


The Secrets We Keep

by ShadowedLove97



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura, Chobits, Tokyo Babylon, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle, X/1999, xxxHoLic
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, CLAMP, Child Abuse, Cross Over, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Physical Abuse, Psychological Drama, Romance, Sexual Abuse, Tragedy, Verbal Abuse, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 00:42:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/680723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowedLove97/pseuds/ShadowedLove97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fai and Kurogane are two seemingly normal teenage boys. But after starting High School, Fai soon harbors a secret that causes him to drive his closest friend away in order to protect it. But little does he know that Kurogane also harbors a secret. When both secrets are revealed, will it destroy their friendship, or will it just bring the two of them closer together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secrets We Keep

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [My Everything](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/17272) by Nekomimi62. 



> This fic is a little old (made it around last summer), so excuse anything poorly written. I'll be rewriting it soon. Also, I've only had this part done so far and the fic should be continued during the summer.

Fai stood outside the gates that led to the school courtyard and the actual school itself, Tsubasa High. Placing a content smile on his face, the blond prepared himself for the long day of classes ahead. Despite having the best grades in his year, the blue-eyed teen actually found school quite boring and even slightly troublesome. But, to avoid any trouble at home, the teen always attended school when possible. That led to him getting perfect attendance for two years straight and was halfway to achieving his third perfect attendance in a row. And his teachers, despite being quite happy there was a model student in their midst, sometimes asked him why he always came to school even when sick. But anytime anyone asked him he'd just flash them his charming smile and said that he wanted to keep his grades up. Of course that was just lie he fabricated to trick those whom he felt were getting too close to the truth.

As Fai stood outside the gate a gust of spring wind suddenly blew powerfully against his body, ruffling his blond hair and school uniform, forcefully pulling him out of his thoughts. His pant-legs and sleeves tugging against his legs and arms, the blond pulled his jacket closer to his body as if it could shield him from the chilly wind. He was glad that his school required every student to wear the standard long-sleeved uniform, for though he actually liked the cold, if he had been wearing one of his own loose long-sleeved shirts, his wrist and part of his lower arm would've been exposed by the wind and he couldn't have anyone asking him questions that he himself couldn't answer.

Once the wind died down, Fai fingered his sleeves nervously. He hoped that they weren't too short; he was barrowing his father's old uniform for his had shrunk in the dryer the night beforehand and, though his father was a tall man, Fai was about an inch taller than what his father had been at his age. Although Fai figured his father's old uniform was better than nothing—for he couldn't even put on his own uniform anymore—he wished the sleeves were longer. Brushing his wispy blond tresses out of his ice-blue eyes and, clearing the dark thoughts that had started to cloud his mind, the blond entered the school courtyard and walked towards the school itself, ready to start his day.

* * *

Kurogane ran down the street hurriedly, shoving past anyone whom was unfortunate enough to be in his way that day. Ignoring the shouts and swears people directed towards him, the raven-haired teen sped up his pace. He was never late, but of _course_ he'd sleep in on the day of midterms. "What a pain," he grumbled, pushing past a woman whom was walking her dog.

As Kurogane rounded a corner, he couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief when he saw the school building. He wasn't going to be late, that's all he could think about as he walked towards the building. But soon he stopped short when he noticed a certain blond teen standing outside the gate with a smile on their face. Shaking his head, Kurogane wondered what the blond idiot could be doing just standing there. But as he was just about to walk up to him, he noticed a strange glazed look to the teen's blue eyes. Kurogane remembered seeing the blond like that only once before and the only way he had been able to get the attention of the teen was to roughly grab his shoulder. Sighing as he stretched out his arm, Kurogane quickly pulled back as he noticed a discrete bruise at the base of the back of Fai's neck. _When did he get that bruise?_ Kurogane inquired to himself, not taking notice of the sudden strong breeze that buffeted his hair and uniform.

After the breeze had died down, Kurogane noticed that the smile that had previously graced Fai's lips was gone and in its place was a nervous frown. Watching as Fai anxiously fidgeted with his sleeves, the raven-haired teen had the sudden urge to hold the other teen close and tell him that whatever he was worrying about would be fine. But before he could do so, the placid smile that Fai had on his face before once again adorned his delicate features as he entered the school courtyard.

Though Kurogane was still suspicious of his friend's behavior, he pushed the thoughts of apprehension to the back of his mind and followed Fai into the school courtyard, turning his focus to the upcoming midterm exams.

* * *

Kurogane opened the bento his mother had packed him and was met with a wide variety of rice balls, a few slices of shogayaki and some inarizuahi. Although he was only halfway through his midterm exams, two hours of sitting nonstop causes one to be hungry, at least that's what he figured. So it was no wonder that, when he was picking up his chopsticks that held a slice of shogayaki and put it up to his mouth, the black-haired teen would notice out of the corner of his eye that a certain blond teen was not eating any of his lunch, but rather just staring at a rice ball in his hand. Sighing, Kurogane put the meat in his mouth and started chewing, waiting for the blue-eyed teen to eat the rice ball that he had been seemingly staring at with a disinterested look.

After a few minutes of observing the blond to see if he would actually eat any of his lunch, Kurogane swallowed the meat and repacked the rest of his bento. Gruffly grabbing his chair and his repacked lunch, the red-eyed teen stomped over to his friend and loudly slammed both his bento and chair down. "Eat," Kurogane commanded, plopping down into his seat.

Upon hearing Kurogane's order and the resounding thud caused by Kurogane's bento and chair, the blond took his eyes off of his rice ball and met his friend's blood-red stare. Smiling goofily, the blue-eyed teen said in a sing-songy voice, "Why hello Kuro. When did you get so bossy?" He propped his chin on the palm of his left hand and closed his eyes, waiting for his friend's angry retort. When he got nothing in reply, Fai opened his eyes to be greeted by Kurogane's blood-red ones once more. "Oh come now Kuro-rin, aren't you going to answer me?"

"Just shut up and eat baka*, or I'll force the onigiri* down your throat." Kurogane growled, his voice low and threatening. Softening his tone, he added, "You are hungry, aren't you?"

"No not really; if I was hungry I would be eating, right Kuro-tan?" As if to contradict Fai's statement, the blond's stomach growled loudly, causing him to blush and laugh nervously due to embarrassment. "Well I guess I've been sold out."

As he unwrapped his own bento for the second time that day, Kurogane couldn't help but feel annoyed at the blond's minor deception. "Tch, if you're hungry you should eat. It's not like anyone would be mad at you for doing so."

"I know; I just don't feel like eating, that's all." It was such a small, contradictory statement, for how could one be hungry and yet lack the desire to eat? But once the words had left the blond's lips, Fai knew it was a true statement. In fact, the statement held true for the whole week, for he hadn't even bothered making a lunch up to that point. The only reason he had even bothered to make a lunch that day was because it was the day of Midterms, but he didn't really think that he would end up eating it. "It's amazing how things don't go as planned…" Fai mused quietly, his mind drifting off until he was mentally in a different time and place altogether.

Kurogane's eyes quickly snapped to look at Fai's face when he heard the blond's whisper. "You were _planning_ not to eat?" Though Kurogane had tried to control his tone of voice, his question still came out as a sneer. But the other teen hadn't had seem to notice Kurogane's inquiry and the black-haired teen couldn't help but come to that conclusion when he noticed Fai's glazed look once again. He sighed, what was he going to do with that blond idiot? Someday he was sure that his friend was going to get himself killed some way or another because of his tendency to day-dream. Grabbing his friend's shoulder gruffly, Kurogane hissed, "Are you listening?"

Fai's head quickly turned so he could get a good look at Kurogane and for a second, a mere second, there seemed to be anger and even…fear in those ice-blue eyes? But those two emotions were gone rather quickly and Kurogane couldn't be sure if he had imagined them there or not. "Of course I'm listening Kuro-pon. Now what were you saying?"

Kurogane's eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything more on the subject. "Just hurry up and eat your lunch. We got more testing after this." Staying quiet, Fai just smiled charmingly and popped another rice ball in his mouth, knowing that the conversation was over.

* * *

Fai sat under a tree, enjoying the shade and the fact he was spending time with his friend. Though the blond still kept himself emotionally distant with Kurogane, he couldn't help but want to spend more time with him. But between classes and the strict rules his father had placed, he barely had any time to spend with the raven-haired teen at all. So it was no wonder that, when Fai noticed it was 15 minutes before he was due home, he felt a crushing sense of sadness and even a bit of anger, but he hid both emotions with the well-constructed "mask" that was his smile. "Hey Kuro, I have to go. Father is expecting me home so I can work with him on some project he has in mind." It was another lie, another deception, to keep his friend from finding out the truth. _Lately, all I've been telling him is lies…_ Fai stood up rather quickly, causing the book that had been open in his lap to fall to the ground. "Here, I got it."

"No, let me…" Soft flesh met soft flesh as both of their hands touched each other unintentionally. Pulling back his hand quickly, Fai turned around so that Kurogane couldn't see the rosiness of his cheeks. Why was he blushing? In all his time with Kurogane, he had never, _ever_ felt like he did right then; embarrassed and shy. But now, after touching his friend's hand, those emotions had started to well up in the teen and were overflowing, breaking the façade that he had so meticulously constructed. And though he didn't want Kurogane to see his face and all the emotions that must have been present on it, the blond couldn't help but take a peek to see if Kurogane was also blushing. Fai noticed that the other teen was also blushing; it just wasn't as furiously as Fai's was and there seemed to be a hint of…doubt in his friend's eyes? Shaking his head, Fai pulled his hand closer to his body and tried to quell the emotions that were raging throughout his entire being.

"Here." Upon hearing Kurogane's steady voice, Fai couldn't help but turn to look at his friend's expressionless face. Quickly looking away once again as he felt his face become hot with another blush, the blond mumbled, "Thank you," before taking the book from the raven-haired teen's hand. There was a few minutes of uncomfortable silence that seemed to them that it had rather been hours instead of minutes. Soon Fai couldn't stand it anymore and he said, "See you later Kuro!" Fai took two steps, two measly steps, before he was stopped by the feeling of someone's hand on his wrist. Wincing slightly at the contact, Fai knew it was Kurogane's hand just from the warmth of it and the strength of the grip.

"You're trying to avoid me again." It wasn't a question, but a statement. But both knew it was true, the blond _was_ trying to get away from Kurogane, trying to elude the teen and the prying questions that he would surely ask. Fai struggled to pull his wrist out of Kurogane's grip, but even with all his strength the effort was futile. Kurogane was a kendo master and the captain of the school baseball team. Not only was he physically strong, but he had a big build that made him tower over most of the other students in his grade. To someone like Fai who had a tall, but skinny, frame that only helped with agility, it was physically impossible and even a little scary attempting to escape the grip of someone as strong as Kurogane.

"Kurgs, let go." There was a hint of annoyance in the blond's voice, something that surprised Kurogane. But he didn't let go; he _refused_ to let go of the wrist of his childhood friend. If he did, he would most likely _never_ get the answer to why Fai was trying to keep distant with him.

"No, I won't. You've been distant with me Fai, and I don't like it. There's something bothering you, I can tell, and yet you don't even try and talk to me about it. Rather, you pretend there is nothing wrong with a fake smile on your face and you telling me a bunch of lies. Well I'm sick of this bullcrap! You better tell me what's going on Fai or so help me I'll—"

"You'll what?" Fai's voice was oddly menacing and the words presented themselves as a threat. "Yell at me? Beat me?" A harsh laugh escaped the blond's lip, as if all the consequences of the situation that Fai had just voiced were something that he had heard numerous times. "You wouldn't do that, you're my friend. The most you'd probably do is give me a lecture and then send me home. I know you, _Kurogane_. You would never dare harm me."

Kurogane's eyes widened and his grip on Fai's wrist slackened as he heard the blond use his real name and not some stupid nickname. The raven-haired teen knew that Fai only used Kurogane's real name when he was trying to be serious or trying to break off their friendship. So for Fai to use it then came off as a shock to Kurogane and even a little disconcerting. And it wasn't just the use of his real name that made Kurogane so ill at ease, but the tone of voice that had accompanied it. For it was not only threatening and menacing, but held the connotation of ill will somehow. And it wasn't just that that had made him feel anxious, but the fact that he had noticed a _change_ in Fai. It was hard to explain _what_ the change was exactly, but whatever change had taken place was not good.

Feeling the grip on his wrist loosen, Fai pulled his hand out of the other teen's grasp fairly easily. Turning around to look at his friend, Fai got a feeling that something bad had just happened once he saw the pale and shocked face of Kurogane. "Kuro-rin, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

Kurogane's eyes snapped downward so he could get a good look at the blond's face and the confused and concerned expression he had on it. There it was again, _another_ change. But it was different this time, for whatever change that had taken place in Fai seemed to have reversed the earlier change and brought him back to his usual demeanor. Taking into account the expression on the blond's face, Kurogane answered, "Yeah, you said my real name and not some idiotic nickname."

By the look on Fai's face, Kurogane knew that the blond had an idea that what had happened had been more than just him using Kurogane's real name. But, again like he did so many times before, the blond masked his uneasiness with a smile, which the raven-haired teen disliked. "Why is that bad, Kuro? I thought you wanted me to use your real name instead of calling you a nickname." It was another lie made in order to dodge, in order to evade any questions that Fai knew that Kurogane would surely ask in order to know the secret in which he had kept hidden for so long.

"But it wasn't just that Fai…You're tone of voice, the way your demeanor _changed,_ something was off about you Fai. And I want to know what it is _right now._ " It wasn't a request, it wasn't a suggestion; it was a command. And, as Kurogane watched the color that seemed to drain from Fai's face, he had sudden feeling that he would somehow get closer to the truth of the matter that day.

"What do you mean my demeanor changed?" His pale face, the fear in his eyes, the way the blond seemed to shift his weight, yes Kurogane could tell that Fai was lying, that he was upset. But…his smile, it contradicted all the signs of his discomfort. That was the smile he always wore, and it was a smile that Kurogane despised with a passion. But something about his tone, the way he said it, also contradicted all the signs. His voice was filled with so much confusion, so much doubt, that it didn't make sense to use such a tone if he had been lying.

"Do you really not know what I mean?" The words slipped out of his mouth in the form of a whisper. He didn't even mean to ask the question, but he couldn't help himself and, as he watched the smile slip from Fai's delicate features and cold horror and realization entered Fai's eyes, Kurogane knew he had asked the question he shouldn't have and had just ruined the chance that he had to find out the truth from his friend.

"I-I have to go…" Fai backed away slowly like a caged animal, the fear still clear in his eyes. Turning around swiftly, the blond started running in the direction of his house, his breath coming in short gasps. But he could hear it, the sounds of foot falls behind him, and Kurogane's hot breath on the back of his neck as his friend easily made the distance between them. Panic started rising up in him, he tried to desperately get away but Fai couldn't seem to shake his friend off of his trail. A hand touched his shoulder and, with quick reflexes, the blond lashed out and swiped the hand away with all of his might in his panic.

"Damnit," Kurogane cursed, pulling his hand away. Though Fai wasn't very strong, he was fast and he had concentrated all of his strength into that one blow, making the pain a lot worse than it would've initially been. And it wasn't just that; Fai had longer, sharp nails and though they weren't as sharp as a razor or a knife and weren't extremely long, they had, at least, the capability to slice through skin if given enough force behind them, which was exactly what happened.

Upon hearing his friend's voice, Fai couldn't help but stop in his tracks to see if his friend was okay. Turning to look at the raven-haired teen, the blond couldn't help but notice that Kurogane was holding his hand quite tightly. Though it wasn't strong, the smell of blood perforated the air and, although Fai knew Kurogane probably couldn't smell such a small amount of blood, the teen couldn't help but look at the hand he lashed out with. A small amount of blood stained his fingertips and his nails, making him gasp as he realized what he had done. "I'm sorry…" The blond whispered, backing away once more. "I-I didn't mean to…" But Fai seemed unable to complete his sentence and, as he took one last step backwards, the teen turned and ran in the direction of his house once more.

Kurogane didn't understand Fai's reaction. It was only a small amount of blood and the scratch that was on his hand was the size of a paper cut and, though it was slightly deep, there was almost no pain at all. Shaking his head, the teen ran his unscratched hand through his raven-colored locks in frustration. He had been _so close_ to finding out the reason behind Fai's recent behavior the past three years and to make the mistake that had obliterated his opportunity was a little more than frustrating. Sighing, Kurogane turned around and walked in the direction of his own house, knowing it would be a bad idea to try and catch up with his friend at that moment.

* * *

Fai entered his house, relief washing over him like waves as he realized he was finally safe…No, he wasn't safe; he was never safe anywhere but in his own room. Leaning against the door, emotional and physical exhaustion swamped the slight relief he had been feeling in their wake. But he didn't slide to the floor, for Ashura would be home soon, and when him and Ashura were in the same room a fight was inevitable and what came with the fight were consequences, for a son shouldn't be fighting with his father.

With his arms limp at his side, Fai started walking slowly towards the stairs. But before he could even set a foot on the first step, the person's voice whom he least desired to hear at that moment rang in his ears. "So I see you're finally home Fai."

Suppressing the fear that was once again welling up inside of Fai, the blond turned around with a charming smile on his face. "I am father. Did you miss me?" The laugh that Ashura gave Fai was cold and, as the blond watched his father for a further reaction, he noticed that Ahsura's grey eyes were cold as well.

"Of course I did Fai. So did you have a nice day at school?" It was the one question Fai had wanted to avoid, the one question he'd have to lie for.

Fai nodded, "Of course. I didn't get to see Kurogane much but when I did we had so much fun together!" It was another lie, another deception. How many more of those lies would he whisper before he was bled dry from them?

"Oh really now, it must've been hard for you not being able to see your best friend, with testing and school work." Those words, they were just formalities, something that any loving parent would say. But it was only a front and a dangerous front too, for you could never tell whether Ashura was angry or not until it was too late. "So, did he ask any questions today?"

His question was met with no reply, and for a while Ashura kept smiling but soon the smile dropped and the coldness that was barely present in his eyes before was now ever-so-obvious to Fai. Advancing towards his son, Ashura quickly and roughly grabbed Fai's wrist. Moving closer so that they're noses were barely a centimeter apart, he hissed, "He did, didn't he?" Fai nodded, shrinking away from his father. His eyes narrowing, Ashura continued, "And did you tell him anything?"

"No father," Fai mumbled, casting his eyes downward to show his open act of submission.

"Good," As Ashura let go of Fai's arm, he noticed the blood that was still present on his son's nails. Smirking at the irony, the tall raven-haired man said, "But it seems like you lashed out at him, didn't you? I thought you said that would never happen."

"I-I only did it to get away, that's all…It was only a scratch." It was the truth, for the only thing his attack had done was cause a small, but slightly deep, cut on the back of Kurogane's hand. So why was his father looking at him with cruel amusement in his eyes?

"Of course it was. Now run along upstairs Fai. I have something to talk to you about later tonight so I want you to finish any school work you have before then." It wasn't a request, but an order. Taking in the account that Ashura's smirk was still tinged with coldness and cruelty, the blond nodded and continued up the stairs and into the sanctuary of his room.

* * *

***Onigiri=Rice ball**

***Baka=Idiot/Moron**


End file.
